Scoring a girl, Samui style

So I landed on Koh Samui a couple of days ago and I've done nothing.

This is amazing.

Well I got drunk on my first night with my mate's mum in lieu of rent (sofa surfing at the moment!), and it was soooo funny. Being Thailand, there are a lot of dirty men, some old not so old, and they come here for one thing. Girls, and ladyboys but in Lamai it's mainly girls.

The Rules - You go to a bar and buy a drink, a scantily clad girl or three will descend on you and they want you to buy them drinks. The girls earn commission on this and also want to get into a drunken stupor so they don't have to think about sitting on the old/wrinkly/dirty cock of yours. You pick the girl you want and take her home, for this you pay the bar between 300-500 baht which is 6-10 quid. The necessary happens and you pay the girl a further 1000 baht (20 quid). She will then variously fall in love with you, get pregnant with 'your' baby, want you to buy her more than drinks, email you when you're home asking for 300,000 baht because her mum is sick, 300,000 because her mum is dead, 100,000 for her to fly to see you, demand you come back because she loves you and can't be without you...

This is pretty common knowledge yet the men fall for it time after time, some of the girls will have four or five phones to keep their 'boyfriends' on the go and seperate. It's an easy way to make money for them, and it's a wonder they have any relatives left with the amount of them the men pay hospital bills for!

The girls are lovely though, they love women going to the bars because nothing is expected of them, they enjoy practicing their English (they have classes!) and can have a dance without thinking what they will have to do later. I feel sorry for them in a way but for an uneducated woman there aren't many options for them and they can make good money if they get someone hooked on them.

So if you want to score in Samui that's how it's done.

"We No Check ID Card"

I've kind of done everything there is to do Bangkok on previous trips so I've just been soaking up the atmosphere and getting rained on. I've been noticing some amazing marketing techniques so I would like to share some with you...

'We No Check ID Card' is the tagline for the bar across from my hotel. Does anyone check ID cards here? Is anyone fussed what age people get smashed off their faces on cheap whiskey buckets. Methinks no...

'Thai food make your health better' - A cookery course behind my hotel. I really want to goin and for quantative, substantive evidence of this claim! I know its good for you but makes you better?

'Sex Tattoo' - Is this supposed to be 'sexy tattoo' or doe you get a jump and some ink at the same time? I was going to go in and find out but knowing me I would have come out with a new tattoo, irregardless of typo or promise.

'Pacicures' are on offer on the rook of the hotel, I'm genuinely intrigued, but not enough to ask for one and find out.

"cheap cheap', not the sound of the birds, although they do get annoying early evening. No this is all you will get from tuk tuk drivers, along with 'where you go', 'you very beautiful' (I've slept in air con and haven't washed since yesterday, really that desperate for a fare?!), and after a certain time at night the go from 'cheap cheap' to 'ping pong'. You only need to experience a ping pong show once in life, thankfully I already have and the enchewing rip off so I just laugh at this, some poor kids do go, poor them.

So these are some of my observances of Khao San Road, I leave in the morning to bum about in Koh Samui because I have nothing else to do, in a very positive way!

And so it begins....

So I've landed in Bangkok at the start of my trip to Cambodia, or JoBodia as certain friends have decided to call it due to the amount of time I spend talking about it! I hate airports, officially. Who has six smoking rooms, the four 'nearest' (not as far at the opposite end as the last two) were all closed and I'm sure this is just to piss people off and watch them get stressed!! Bloody Dubai Airport.

I get to the hotel I booked, swimming pool closed and have to go across the road to the sister hostel, er yer what? Well I've slept since I got here so it hasn't really affected me so can't complain.

Just off for my first wonder down to Khao San Road, where travellers congregate along with people from all walks of Thai life trying to scam/rob/chat/rip you off. The street food is amazing, lets just hope I don't get stalked this time!!!