When in Rome...

Well I've never been to Rome so I'm not quite sure what the Romans do... But it seems most people who come to Tanah Rata want to go into the jungle. I tried this once with Fabio and Bel, had a panic attack, twisted me knee and got out after about forty five minutes! The jungle scares me, snakes, spiders, slippy floors and stuff. But in the Cameron Highlands they have the Rafflesia, the worlds largest flower and although I'm not in to nature and all that type of thing I kind of thought I should go see it.

I'd told one of the guides who I'm friends with and who finds the flower, on numerous occasions, that if he found me a flower that was half an hour in and out of the jungle then I would go. Not possible... Then I got the chance to go for free without risking getting into trouble, and my boss and some of the dudes I work with were taking the piss saying I would never bother to go, wouldn't be able to do the trek and shiz and me being me I had to prove them wrong!

So about a month ago (scary to think it was that long ago!) I got on the tour for free with the company I work for and nearly died. Literally. Fell down eight times, nearly spiked myself on a bit of root type thing sticking out of the ground and split my pants from crotch to knee. As they say in Bahasa Malay, SEKSY! But I did it, and came out alive after nearly having a panic attack or two and Marvin threatening to leave me in the jungle whilst everyone else went to the flower and they would come back to me...

I was ridiculously proud of this achievement, I can walk around cities for hours but to do three hours in the jungle, I impressed myself if no one else! And then a few days ago there was a twin flower, I think it's two flowers out of one bud but I'm not sure and might get told off if I state this as fact. So I demanded my boss send me on the trek again, perfect timing because I've been moved on to working evenings.

An hours drive, 30 minutes off roading including my driver Harry getting stuck and Marvin having to take over for a bit I was off into the jungle again! I did one really spectacular fall where I slid a good couple of metres back down the hill I was stumbling up and ended up with mud all over me before I even crossed the first bamboo bridge. We stopped at a waterfall which I couldn't be bothered going to see and had a pack of cigarettes viciously and maliciously stolen of me by a friend who also thought the amount of mud I was covered in was in some way amusing...

Reached the flower and it's pretty fucking nuts. There is different information about the flower, is it a fungus, well no because it's got male and females and stuff but all I know is it's big and weird looking and it won't get you high if you eat it. The rarity of there being twin flowers is somewhat disputed but it was rare enough to get me off my arse and back into my idea of hell!

How impressed do I look?! And muddy. Impressed and muddy kind of sums it up. On the way back to the 4x4s I was left at the front to 'lead' the group, I say lead, I mean get really scared I would get us all lost and fall over some more. Marvin came up to the front when were out of the jungle and found some horrible bug thing and tried to throw it at me so I hit him with the big stick you can see me wielding in the photo. he deserved it.

Pants still in tact this time we went to an Orang Asli village and I could even be bothered (read : was a bit less screwed this time) to have a go of the blow pipe. I've been practicing with the mini one I got  last time by pinging cigarettes to Liam in his hammock and launching darts at bits of cardboard pretending it's some of the unsavoury characters I've met here. I didn't hit the target in the village, I wasn't really expecting to but the dart made it as far as the tree at least! Then we left, I had to get back to work and was only a couple of hours late, last time I had to use a day off I was in that much of a mess I couldn't work any more.

More jungle time, wasn't expecting that now were you...

Neeerrraaaahhhhhhhhh

That title reflects the noise Malay people seem to make when confused, which I am right now so it seems appropriate.It's been ages since I've updated this, hopefully there is no one reading this as their only contact with me or worry may be setting in!

A hell of a lot has happened since last time I blogged, mainly all linked to WINTER RETURNING! It was immense when she turned up, she had been emailing me for a while planning to come back and keep it a secret from Liam. She turned up and I smuggled her down one of the passages to the bathrooms and sneaked her on to the sofa whilst Liam was in reception. The look on his face was brilliant, shock, confusion, more shock, bafflement... This was all placated by a litre of Jack Daniels that Winter had bought in duty free on her way here!

Hallowe'en happened, we got steaming drunk and were shouting at backpackers to get in their costumes, put a load of death metal on in the bar, Winter did some tarot reading, 'yeah she's gay and doesn't know it yet...' and I ended up passing out on a table in the Highlander and having my phone confiscated by Liam. I have very little recollection of this night because once again Morgan Stanley was out to play but there are some immense pictures on Facebook if you're privileged enough to be my friend.

Had an interesting experience in a Malaysian hospital. Winter turned up with jungle rot courtesy of an incident on the Thai-Cambodia border (this is the interesting way to say she got some cuts and waded through shit and flood water for a month) and they didn't improve after a week so we went to hospital and it was pretty darn goose. She got IV antibiotics and had a load of shit scraped out of her foot which knocked me slightly sick. RM15 for a load of stuff and drugs, Malay healthcare is pretty awesome.

A few days ago Dizzie and Bex turned up and they were the first cool people to get here since Jess left. They had a chilled out attitude and poi! Dizzie had some wicks for his fire twirling on chains and only a few days earlier Winter had started teaching Liam how to twirl a staff. Spare wicks attached to a staff, petrol bought and we had a pretty cool couple of days playing with fire. It did make me question who would ever consider us responsible adults, especially when Liam had a go with the chains and cracked himself in the nuts and was rolling around in a pile of sand for a good while!

Er, I'm sure a lot more has happened... My Malay is coming on well, a few people in town have said I look like I've lost weight, local business rivalries are still getting in the way of certain things I wish I could be doing, I went for a play in a derelict building site and was inspired to take pictures for the first time in a long time, Winter has put my dermal anchor back in, I have an infection in three of my ear piercings after I stitched them.

Well I'm going to try and keep this updated more, Winter leaves soon so I may be less distracted!